Old Stuff

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The past is the past, right? It can’t be changed, though it can be recollected. Memories are all we have to link us to our history outside of whatever physical consequences we managed to carry into the present. Tangible or not, it doesn’t matter. A past is something we share with everyone and no one.

So, why keep bringing up old stuff?

This is what I don’t get. Everyone has a past, including whoever you may be involved with. Life didn’t start at the beginning of your relationship, you know. What do ex-girlfriends and boyfriends have to do with the here and now? Now before you state the obvious, let me explain. I’m talking about the exes that are no longer in the picture. Think about it. There’s no fervent longing, little contact, no lingering sexual interest or romantic aspirations. They’ve basically been reduced to “someone I used to know” status. Why punish your partner with it by constantly bringing them up?

So an old friend liked your boyfriend’s picture on Facebook. That doesn’t mean they’re still messing around. So you don’t think his ex is attractive. That doesn’t make you Beyonce, or whoever the hell guys like these days. So she was in a volatile relationship before you. That doesn’t make you her savior.

Here’s a little known fact: What happened before you came into the picture has nothing to do with you.

Shocking, right?

Granted, people collect baggage from past experiences. Whether that baggage takes the form of a child from a previous relationship, a fear of commitment, or trust issues (more on that later), that still has nothing to do with you. Not as it concerns the past.

You don’t need to constantly remind your partner about who they used to be with. Trust me, they remember. Stop comparing yourself to people who no longer matter, and while you’re at it, stop throwing old stuff in your partner’s face when things don’t go your way. Your relationship isn’t their relationship.

Deal with the present and work toward your future. If there were a lesson of the day, that’d be it. 

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