I’m not trying to seem slow or anything, but I don’t understand men and women nowadays. I understand that you can’t approach everyone the same way, but what ever happened to the basics?

“Hi. How are you?”

Those four words seem so hard to say nowadays. Especially when romantic interest is involved. Or maybe it isn’t so much romance as it is a profound need to scratch that insatiable itch lingering around one’s nether regions. In any case, people who know how to show genuine interest in another seem to be the last of a dying breed. 

In case you’re a little confused with what I’m talking about, allow me to elaborate. A few years ago when I lived in New York, I met a man named Gary. I met Gary through my boss at the time; he was forever determined to set me up. I guess he had it in his head that I would be more relaxed on the job if I had a steady man on my arm (or in my bed, but no need for specifics). I digress, though.

Anyway, I agreed to meet up with Gary for an early dinner after my boss slipped him my phone number. The conversation we had was nice, dinner was lovely. Honestly, I could say that Gary wasn’t my type. He looked like a short version of Gerald Levertt with a bit more girth, but he wasn’t an ogre. Throughout the dinner he showed me a glimpse of his personality, and I liked what I saw. Physical looks soon took a back seat. I wanted to give him a chance. 

Why oh why did I do that?

Technically, Gary and I only went on one date. After that initial meeting, we kept in contact by phone, and while I was trying to set up another date and get to know this man who had my interest, Gary was busy playing the let-me-see-how-far-I-can-go-before-she-gives-up game.

This is how the game went: Every time Gary called or sent a text (his preferred method of communication), immediately after saying “hello” he would say something like “Are you naked?” or “I wanna lick you.”

Um…how about “NO.”

My problem with this was the fact that we didn’t really know each other. I have never been the type of woman to dive headfirst into a relationship, be it sexual or platonic; I like to know what I’m dealing with and vice versa. Gary genuinely interested me and I wanted us to progress, but after only one date, this was the type of communication I received. Every time he did it, I told him I didn’t appreciate it. That would always spark a debate, and in some cases an argument. I remember him telling me that I wasn’t a real woman. I was a square, uptight. I didn’t know how to have fun. Complete foolishness. I didn’t see anything wrong with taking the time to get to know a man without having to entertain his penis. Still don’t. 

Even after fast forwarding a few years into the present, I am still seeing men play this game. Too often I’ll be approached by someone who makes it clear he only wants what’s between my knees. I still get those random crude text messages. I have more first dates than second dates. Seldom do I see men wanting to take their time, and even rarer are those four words that are so often overlooked but can easily show interest and concern: Hi. How are you?

My theory is that the reason why so many men think it’s okay to handle women in such a way is because it worked on a woman in the past. If it worked for one, it must work for all, right? No, it doesn’t. No two women are the same, so why use the same approach? More to the fact, why bother faking the funk on a first date when you’re really not interested? Why not just be completely up front, let the chips fall where they may, and move on? It isn’t that hard. 

Women aren’t any better. Some of them pull the same tricks as these men. I see it all the time, and it saddens me. But that’s another post altogether. I could talk about them all day…

I’ll end this post by saying this: I don’t want much, just common courtesy. I don’t understand this new breed of men and women who think it’s okay to dive straight into the vulgar pool and then have the nerve to get angry when you don’t jump in with them. If that’s what they want to do, fine, but I don’t have to participate. It doesn’t appeal to me.

Perhaps I am the last of a dying breed.